


Love In The Dark

by FirithAriel



Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Gender-neutral Reader, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 06:15:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14099058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FirithAriel/pseuds/FirithAriel
Summary: You and Loki have been together for a while, but so far he has refused to let your relationship be known by the rest of the Avengers.





	Love In The Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [Love In The Dark - Adele](https://open.spotify.com/track/6oQRvWaoFDJpTTnaWdzhXt?si=KaFWffPaSGOrQ0x2utJlKQ)

Loki could feel it in his whole being, something was off.

He could see it in your body, the tense way you stood when you were near him. He could see it in the way you avoided eye contact. He could feel it in the way you recoiled from his touch.

It was subtle, but it was _there_.

While you were in public, there was nothing he could do about it either. It had been his choice, to keep it a secret from everyone. You were never too keen to keep your relationship hidden, but you did it because of him.

When he arrived to Earth, you were one of the few to give him the benefit of the doubt, so when your relationship started, it was logical that both of you would want to keep it low, if only to save yourselves from all the backlash you were going to get from the Avengers.

After a few months, it looked like the rest of the team was warming up to him a bit. You thought it would be a good time to tell them, but Loki wasn’t so sure yet. So you kept waiting.  
Everytime you brought up the subject, he’d find another reason, another excuse, to keep it, you, hidden. It didn’t matter that it bothered you, that you so wanted to tell everyone how happy you made each other.  
The months turned into a year, and you started doubting his feelings.

It was the source of all your fights: you wanting to get it out in the open, Loki wanting to keep it down. He was running out of excuses, and you were running out of patience.

The last few days you had been acting weird. Colder and more distant than usual. You hadn’t even come to him at night and, given your last fight, he was too scared to go to you.

Watching you from the other end of the room, seeing how you purposely kept away from him, was too much. Loki needed out.

He didn’t even excuse himself. He just simply disappeared and went to his room. He half hoped that you would follow, but he knew you better than that.

Falling on his bed, he ran his hands through his hair. Maybe reading would take his mind off things, maybe it could help him sort out this mess. Reaching for his book on the nightstand, he noticed the folded paper on top of it.

Loki froze.

He didn’t even have to open it to know it was from you.

With trembling hands, he started to read.

 

_Dear Loki._

_Yes, this is the coward’s way out, but I know that I could never look you in the eye and tell you all this._

_I am done._  
_I can’t go on lying to everyone about us._  
_I’ve even come to think that maybe I’m not good enough for you, that somehow falling for an unworthy mortal is not something you are willing to admit to anyone, not even to yourself._

_I am done._  
_I love you so much that I put up with your secrecy for far too long. But it’s not making me happy anymore. I don’t think is making you happy either. All we do as of late is fight._

_I am done._  
_I feel like we’ve drifted apart. We don’t even have a common path anymore. We’re going in circles, back and forth, trying to salvage something that is probably already doomed._

_I am done._  
_It is time for me to admit defeat. It’s been over a year and you still have problems letting me in. your insecurities are tearing us, me, apart. I don’t know in how many ways I’ve tried to show you how much you mean to me, but it has been for nothing._

_I am done._  
_I cannot lose myself anymore while you’re still trying to find your own. I wish you could see yourself with my eyes: You are not a monster, you never were, you never will be._

_These past few days I’ve been doing arrangements. I’m leaving for Europe tomorrow, I don’t know when or if I will return. I need space, I need time, I need healing, and I need it away from you._

_I hope you can forgive me for doing things like this. But I am not strong enough to walk away from you. I would break and probably give in as I have done a million times by now._

_Loki, I love you with all my heart. I probably always will. I do hope that you find peace and the happiness you deserve, even if is not with me._

_Maybe one day, if it’s not too late, we could learn to love each other again._

_But for now, I am done._

_y/n_

 

The only thing that gave away his tears were the blurriness of the letter in his hands. He could see you had cried while writing, and now his tears were joining yours on the paper.

Loki couldn’t _breathe_. He just couldn’t lose you.  
You were the best thing that happened to him in a long time, and he had gone and screwed it up.  
How could you even think he was ashamed of you? If anything you should be ashamed of him. Of dating a monster, a murderer, a psychopath. Yes, the rest of the Avengers might have come more used to his presence, but they would still be wary of him, they would still whisper at his back, where they thought he couldn’t hear. But he did.

Maybe it was for the best to let you go. To let you be actually happy with someone else.

But that sole thought broke his heart all over again.

No, he couldn’t let you go.

You meant the world to him. All the worlds. All the universes.

He just couldn’t let you go.

Panicked, he ran back to the lounge, not even caring about the tears still evident on his face. Everyone looked at him when he entered, but his eyes only searched for you.  
His heart skipped a beat when he found you.

You just stared at him and knew he had seen the letter. You had hoped he’d find it once you were gone. He walked across the room and stood in front of you.

“Loki, what--?”

You didn’t finish. His lips over yours and his hands on your face stopped whatever you were going to say, and made you forget it. You didn’t even hear the gasps and other noises of surprise, disgust and outrage.

You didn’t care. Loki was kissing you, in front of everybody. Thanos could be in the same room and you wouldn’t care. Loki was kissing you. _In front of everybody._ That’s all that mattered, that’s all you needed.

“Don’t go.” He breathed out between kisses. “I’m sorry.”

You pulled away enough to smile at him, feeling the tears flood your eyes. You couldn’t say anything, and maybe you didn’t have to. You wiped his tears with your thumb and searched for his lips again.

Loki let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding before kissing you.

Before anyone could voice their opinion, you took Loki’s hand and ran to his room.

**Author's Note:**

> I was in the shower, listening to Adele, and this came to me.  
> Feedback is always appreciated!  
> You can also yell at me on my [tumblr](http://fadingcoast.tumblr.com/) and/or [twitter](https://twitter.com/FadingCoast)!!


End file.
